The Hammer Principle

Psychologist Abraham Maslow observed, “If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.” People require more judicious treatment than that. When little things bother us, our primary objective must be putting our personal agendas aside and building relationships. When tempted to use overkill, the following four Ts can help you temper your behavior:

Total Picture. If you come to conclusions long before the problem has been detailed, you should listen, ask questions, listen again, ask more questions, listen some more and then respond.

Timing. Noted hostess and writer Lady Dorothy Nevill observed, “The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”

Tone. People often respond to our attitudes and actions more than to our words. Many petty conflicts occur because people use the wrong tone of voice. Temperature. The size of a problem often changes based on how it is handled. If the reaction is worse than the action, the problem usually increases. If the reaction is less than the action, the problem usually decreases.

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Soundview Executive Book Summaries John C. Maxwell "Winning with People"